Konban wa, Minnasan!
So, this week was a trial of faith. Yes, a really big trial of faith. It's really interesting that when you pray for greater faith (which I did), you are given trials to strengthen your faith. God truly does answer our prayers, though not always in the ways we expect or are wanting. I think that in order to have the greater blessings and faith that I desire so desperately and need so that I can do missionary work, I first must prove that I can and always will be faithful to God, no matter what happens. Sometimes I feel like I get stuck on this faith "roller-coaster," as my Mission President explains it. When times are good and easy, then it is really easy to believe in God. But when times are hard, then I often find myself questioning. The word "WHY" always comes and circulates around in my head, and it grows and grows until it overshadows my faith completely. I like to know the "Why." That's just how my brain works. But, we can't always know that. God has a plan, we are in His hands, and we sometimes just have to except that and keep moving. That is what faith is all about, I think.
Some things came to my attention this week that have really rocked my boat, in a sense. If I did not have a testimony that this work was true and the faith that this is what I need to be doing right now, I don't know what I would do. I really don't. But, I DO know that this work is important. It is the MOST important thing I could be doing. It is probably the most important thing I might do EVER. Because of that knowledge, I know that everything will be alright. I have the strength to keep going and keep working. As I have written before, FAITH NOT FEAR. That theme has come up over and over again in my life here in Japan. If I get caught up in worrying about this or that, I can't have true faith in God, because fear is, in essence, a form of doubt. And where doubt exists, faith cannot. I need to put away all fear, all doubt, and that is when my faith will truly be able to become unshakable. I won't get caught on the "faith roller-coaster,"constantly judging my faith upon what is happening in my life.
This week, my companion and I had our first, "Family English Program" lesson. This program is a new program that our mission has just started in Japan. It's structured something like this: we teach a family 30 minutes of English, and then 30 minutes of a message about the church in Japanese for about 6 weeks. The family understands this trade-off when they start the program. Anyways, so our bishop jumped on this opportunity and asked us to teach his two nieces. My companion and I were all excited! We didn't know where the bishop lived, and so thus, we obtained directions from our ward mission leader, which is basically just somebody who helps us work with the Church Members in the area; sort of like a coordinator. We were supposed to take a train, then a bus, and then the bishop's wife would pick us up from the bus stop.
However, it seems like our fate to be eternally lost in Japan, haha. Yes, once again we got lost. Hopelessly so, I'm afraid. First, we missed our stop on the train, so we had to get off and go back. Then, we took the wrong bus and ended up at a bus stop who knows where (in our defense, the Ward Mission Leader told us to get on the wrong bus; but at the time, we didn't know that). So, we were feeling pretty low. It seems to me that whenever there is a small reason to have negative thoughts or feelings, Satan snatches onto that immediately. He likes to drag us down into a never-ending spiral of self-pity and degrading thoughts. If he can get us to open our can of "Whys" just a little bit, then he can take care of the rest. Satan likes to take the little things and warp them into supposed big ones.
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| Where Am I? |
This is what started to happen to me. I started to think something along the lines of, "I'm a terrible missionary! We're late to our teaching appointment!" and so forth. However, I quickly realized that it is these kinds of thoughts that distract from the progression of this work. Satan is just trying to get me on that roller-coaster of faith, and stay on it. However, we've got to get off of it. It might be tempting to stay on, but we can't. Christ is unchanging, so thus, our faith should be too.
Every time my companion and I get lost, it humbles me more and more. It reminds me that we can't do this by ourselves. We can't even get on a bus by ourselves. It is a lesson I need to learn, and God seems determined to teach me it until I've got it. If I can learn to really trust God and have faith and not fear, then I think that is when I will really be able to become the missionary I want to be. I hope that I will be able to really internalize this lesson soon.
As Always, Faith not Fear!
Sister Weigl
P.S. In case any of you were wondering, we did eventually find where we were going! The Bishop's wife came and picked us up by car! She wasn't even a bit mad that we were so late! We were even still able to teach their nieces and it was a great lesson! We're teaching them again next week! I'm so excited!
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